A texan Moves north

[Terrence Bell]

Got this Via Email....

Thort I'd share it wit chu guyz!

A Texan moves north
Jan. 10 - It's 5:30 pm. It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground.

Jan. 11 - We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow coverin the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub was covered with a beautiful white mantle. Ah shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. Ah did both the driveway and the sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. Ah walked back and shoveled again.

Jan. 12 - It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature had dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. Ah shoveled the driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and pulled his trick again. Now the snow is a kind of nasty brownish-grey. Jan. 13 - It warmed up enough durin the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145.00 to the chiropractor, but nothin was broken. More snow and ice expected.

Jan. 14 - Still cold as hell. Sold wife's car and bought 4x4 in order to get her to work. Slid into the guardrail anyway and did considerable damage to the right rear quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of that white shit last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and crud. More shovelin for me today, that goddamn snowplow came twice!

Jan. 15 - It's 2 fuckin degrees outside, more fucking snow! Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezin to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the fuckin house down. Ah managed to put the flames out, but Ah suffered 2nd degree burns on mah hands and Ah lost all of mah eyelashes and eyebrows. The car slid off the road on the way to the emergency room and was totaled.

Jan. 16 - Goddamned motherfuckin white shit keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the fuckin mailbox. If Ah ever catch that son-of-a-bitch that drives that snowplow, Ah'll chew open his chest and rip his heart out. Ah am convinced the son-of-a-bitch hides around the corner and waits till Ah am through shovelin the drive and walk. Power is still off. Toilet is froze up, and the roof is starting to cave in several places.

Jan. 17 - Six goddamned more fuckin inches of that fuckin snow and that fuckin sleet and fuckin ice and no tellin what other kind of white fuckin shit fell last night. Ah wounded the fucking snowplow asshole with an ice ax, but the son-of-a-bitch got away. Mah wife has left me. Car won't start. Ah think Ah'm going snow-blind. Ah cain't feel mah toes anymore. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More of the white shit is predicted. Wind chill is 32 degrees below zero AND AH AM MOVING MY ASS BACK TO TEXAS!!!

Hahahahahahah!

[DanyD]

[DanyD]

Dude, I read that out aloud to the crew here rebuilding our bikes and we've been Laughing our asses off. Its making it hard to work tho and there are some REALLY shockingly bad Texan accents coming out here the drinks have been helping too. ops:

[Terrence Bell]

Originally Posted by DanyD

Dude, I read that out aloud to the crew here rebuilding our bikes and we've been Laughing our asses off. Its making it hard to work tho and there are some REALLY shockingly bad Texan accents coming out here the drinks have been helping too. ops:

I laughed so hard on that one I could not breath properly for about 10 mins 8O

Glad you all enjoyed it as much as I did :wink: