its over *sob story, dont click if you dont care*

[lofreq]

for those who wanted to know.. i post here my true feelings right now. for those who cant give a shit or want to tell me to shut the fuck up and stop whining about my personal problems on here.... i understand it... but please, may i ask you to just this once forgive me... and let me let it out.. because this has really affected me - .

i just need to let my feelings out and there are alot of good friends on here that i owe this to share with them. so thank you for letting me post this.


its 6am.. the last time i said anything. well if you cared or were curious then you know what happened in the last post so far. but to those who reached out sincerely and tried to help, you all have been supportive and i want to thank you for it...


ive been waiting in agony to just have a chance to talk to sarah about whats happened.. and just plead with her for the chance to work things out together.. i tried to give her the space but also remind her im there.. and thinking about her constantly.. i have been sick to my stomach the whole time unable to function. i could not believe that, all her promises, all her positiveness about us together and working forever, that she suddenly withdrew all that, just like that.

today (well monday) was so hard at work - not busy, but hard on me in my head and my heart. i still took time out to call her so many times, but she wasnt picking up. this weekend she finished this play she was working on, all weekend... so i wanted to just call her and tell her i was still here and thinking about her... i was about to give up and go back to sleep when she popped online... turns out she had stayed at her brothers place all night sunday, after the last day of the play, then drove back from town in the early morning

i asked to call her and she said, shed call me.

she was very flat all the way. but we talked nonetheless, and in the end i was pleading with her. she said that, truthfully, she did not see how her new feelings could ever change about me. not her old feelings of "love" - she meant her new feelings - the feelings of distance, of not being loved for who she is, of not having that 'spark' with me... everything. she said that, in her mind, after thinking about it for 6 weeks, she cannot see in her mind, any way to resolve this. she lost her love for me. she says she cannot see a possibility that she will rebuild those feelings of love for me, ever. she refused to give me a chance, saying that, i could do whatever i wanted, ie, come over there, etc.. but its not going to change how she feels.

she said all our past, was "delusional" (her words). she was 19 and "fell in love" what she thought was love, with me. and spent this whole time convincing me and her that she was in love with me. and this whole time, i was cautious, trying to find out for sure if she really did feel that way for me. and i thought she did... and i gave in to my heart. i gave my heart full play to her and gave her everything. but, she had doubts about me during that time. in fact she says, right from the start. and that, these feelings, never went away, they just got worse. feelings of being distant.. and her not having the spark for me.

despite this, she always believed we could work on it and work together and solve it out of love. and i did too. she admitted that she was good, soo good at covering up these feelings, that even when i was there, she was feeling it all the time and never once tried to let me know how much it affected her. instead, she was the opposite. despite feeling doubts, she was instead overly positive about us.. always reminding me that she would always be there for me... "you cant get rid of me nigel.. im in love with you!" etc... she did everything so right and so good that, i had no reason to doubt her. why would anyone be so positive about us if the feelings were not true?

she confirmed with me that, upon meeing Jeremy (this other guy), things changed completely. i later learn from rachel, her sister, that this guy, knew all about me, but was the persistant kind - didnt let off on his affections for sarah. suddenly, her feelings of hope for us, disappeared. she confirmed that, she was instantly attracted to jeremy, and that she DID feel that everything she was worried about with me, she somehow had no care with him. she was instantly attracted to jeremy "like she never was with me". this was so great that it meant that, she would not even consider trying to fix what we had.

she called our 5yr relationship 'delusional'. she said she was deluded in what she felt. on my side, i thought it was totally sincere. and i lived and gave my heart to her in my total trust and sincererity... but all that time despite her doubts she went over that and totally pushed her feelings aside, and more or less lied to me... about her feelings, about her hopes and dreams with me. she was almost saying the complete opposite of what she felt, instead of telling me her fears, she just lied and said everything was more than ok. in fact it was ME who felt unsure, even, from her being so positive about us

she told me in more or less words, that her love had died for me. there was only a slight attraction at the beginning... but after that, her love died a long time ago while mine lived on. the worst thing is? she actively fuelled my love... until right now. i was basically being led on, by her doubt, until now it took a new person in her life to be attracted to, to finally realise she wanted to end me, to end our whole past. but, because she always felt more and more distant from me - i guess it was much easier for her to end it. its like ending a love affair with someone you dont love. easy - just say "i dont love you, pls stop bothering me". the problem is that the other person loved you with all their heart, for 5yrs. and believed everything you said to them.. (and now is told it was a 'lie', a "delusion").

she is ending us with no hope for the future. she couldnt even tell me that she cherished our past together... she couldnt even let me know that while we were together, that she felt my love... because basically, from what she said - everything that she shared, was more or less tainted, changed, modified, untrue. corrected so that it appeared to me like all was well. but the truth is, she is just dead flat, as if i have become a stranger on the street. like she never met me before.

i tried my very best to tell her that, our past gave us the strength and hope that we could work this out together. but she tried her best to tell me, that we cant, because our "past", our "strength and hope", was basically based on nothing. based on something small, right at the beginning..... but then turned to nothing. except her own blind leading me on. she is now like a totally different person.. like an annoying salesman whos been knocking on her door for so long...

she refused to say that she loved me, any more. she says she couldnt, that it wouldnt be true. it was a flat goodbye, then she hung up. she was almost angry with me for pleading with her to work it out. suddenly it was as if it was so blatantly clear that we *couldnt* work, that i was "annoying" her with my pleas to just work this out.

here i sit surrounded by her now. all her gifts... her photos.... everything. everything that i cherished and meant so much to me... now i look at it and realise, it never held the love she said they did. because she was always covering the truth. and not just recently. she says, right frm the start! this means, all our experiences... what? based on bullshit? they all are meaningless. i feel like i have wasted my life with her. wasted my love on something that never TRUELY loved me back - only thought so and pretended to, and didnt even know for sure what she felt, but just basically lied about it completely anyway.... but did such a good job she fooled both me AND herself. i cannot look at these gifts, her, without feeling this incredible lie. i shall probably have to send it back. all her letters, her words... i have now been told, they are meaningless.

i mean, how can anyone do that, for so long? i still refuse to believe it, or cannot believe it. is it possible that someone feign for so long, years, but do it without the true love in their heart? to feign each moment and play it up even tho she doubted every moment with me? and what she says is, she never felt the attraction with me??? all this time and yet we went on for so long? how is it even possible?

she was my first, and my true love... but now it is no longer true love. it was MY true love, and HER 'so~so love' that became just a deliusion.



i have to move on now with this incredible upset.. this revelation that her feelings for me... just werent there like i thought. i do not know how to handle it or go about it... i cant even cling on to "good memories" because now i feel they were all fake. and she told me herself that they were not true feelings. im not being dramatic and saying "oh it was all a lie, it was all a delusion, it was all fake". no. because they are HER words....

not only is she leaving me now, but she is taking away everything good that i valued all this time. she couldnt even leave me with good memories, a good break up. breaking up on good terms... no. she now is as if i am someone she never knew. so so cold... how could she suddenly turn like this and show me what is her 'true self'... i truely felt like a stranger.

i would have loved to be relatives with her family. they were so good to me and accepted me wonderfully. i saw my future with her and growing old with her... i wanted children with her. but she has ended it with no recourse... and gone on to tell me that everything i felt, well, she never truely felt back. 6 weeks with a new person was enough to totally forget all her 'love' for me. and i heard it in her voice.



now i try to start my life over. i pray i meet someone again to love, in my lifetime.. someone that i can somehow trust completely, and never burden her with these doubts i have now, to trust someone new. i pray that she truely does love me and not lie to me like this... and i pray i never have to experience this pain again.

i only now have my friends, and family, to help me... and my own head to convince that, i can give my heart again like i have, without feeling doubts again... right now, of course this seems totally impossible.... its like i feel scarred for life...


i am so tired. mentally and physically. i dont know how to move at this point... but i have to accept that i gave everything, and i at least was true in my heart and intentions. if i have failed her, failed to give her the love she deserved.. then it is my fault. i know i need to move on but... now i fear the long uphill climb to heal this hole in my self

guess im not moving to states. guess im not leaving my job (yet). guess i dont have to sell the car. guess i dont lose my friends. its hard when i have just convinced myself to do all these things and to do them with a clear conscience.. and now this happens.


thanks for listening.

[Hardster]

Bro that sux, just take it easy aye, i know exactly how you feel i had a mate who recently broke up with his girl afetr four years and i have been with my girl for nearly three. Just take it easy ok bro

[David R]

Jeez Nige, I cant really comprehend how hard that must be for you.

I'm sure you will meet someone else who'll give you the love and respect you deserve.
She'll come to her senses one day, in a year or so when the novelty of her new relationship has worn off and this guy isnt quite so effectonate she'll realise she let go of the best thing she ever had.

Dry your eye's mate It probably seems like the end of the world right now but I'm sure you'll get thru it.

[vtec_junky]

keep the faith bro................im feeling for ya!!!

yeah dry your eyes mate.... <-- get the cd and listen he speaks a world of truth that man 8)

[SloBurn]

if i have failed her, failed to give her the love she deserved.. then it is my fault.

Never blame yourself mate, you couldn't have done anything more. Wow what a novella, can't believe I read it all!

I know where you're coming from, I had the same situation a few years ago. Was ready to move in with her, spend life with her, we were talking about where we'd be in a few years then out of the blue BAM i'm outa there and she's shacking up with her flatmate. It fucks you in the head and as you said you can't believe that the feelings you had were just nothing to her for such a long time.

But it's not your fault bud, it sounds like she might have some other issues going on in that head of hers besides this, she sounds a bit too cold to be totally normal. The 'new guy' thing is possibly just the easiest way out to deal with her shit.

And speaking from experience pleading pisses them off. As does calling them. As does texting them and going to see them. She wants you to leave her alone totally and unfortunately you don't get to have a say in it. And don't send back her stuff, you'll regret it and she'll get even more pissed off and say you're being pathetic (not that her opinion cares now) but in a few years you'll be able to look at some of that stuff and still remember the good times you had with her and sigh when you think about this breakup. You never truly get over your true loves in life, they're always in the back of your mind somewhere but trust me there are more than one out there for everyone, in fact there's loads. Anyone who says there's only one is lieing, as long as you make the effort then there's plenty of people out there who match up with you and i'm sure you'll find one soon enough, you seem like a great guy.

Good luck man, you're going to have a rough time but there's plenty of people here to help ya if ya need a shoulder or an ear...

[nathan23h]

Thats a tough break dude, i feel every word that you are saying.

If she was your true love this wouldnt of happened. The hardest thing is getting over the whole Sarah thing it does take time, but don't make it any harder than it has to be, dont surround yourself with her anymore.

And most of all don't blame yourself, this is not your fault. You gotta be strong & keep moving on, there will be a better day waiting for you.

I think that everyone who has broken up with someone they thought they loved has properly ended up with someone they loved even more, i know i have far far more so, maybe this is just the start of somthing better.

P.S Where does this Jeremy live :twisted:

[vtec_junky]

Originally Posted by nathan23h

P.S Where does this Jeremy live :twisted:

:evil: :evil:
yeah IP address too :twisted:

[*DESTINY]

Awww that is really stink and sad. I can understand if someone "led" you on for a few months or even half a year, but a whole 5 years? What were she thinking? How did she have the decency to do that it.

You must be feeling like you are the one bugging her and like there's nothing for you to "cling" on to, and she is the one quickly closing the door on you with no hesitation. That must make you feel so small and not worthy and useless, like she's in this upper position looking down at you and saying "leave me a alone, i have nothing to give you". But she should have thought of the consequences of her actions, she could have forseen that if she goes into a relationship with someone for 5 years, that they don't just "disappear" as she wishes. So don't blame yourself.

When I read your last thread (the relationship problem one), I thought, ok so his gf has some new feelings for some other guy. I thought that ok maybe she loved Lofreq for 2 or 3 years or so and maybe this year she started to fall out of love. But now finding out that she referred to the past between you two as being a "lie" and delusional or "nothing" right from the start, I can't help but to judge her as being a liar. She should have known the consequences of being with you for such a long time (have a future together, get married, etc.) Oh hang on, she didn't let you know that your futures together would not happen. But even though she knew what she's getting you into, I guess she pretended that she had feelings and loved you. On the other hand, perhaps during those 5 years she tried to love you but couldn't?

From my point of view, I think she did love you at the start and of course you were madly in love with her. This may be the truth that she is trying to hide right now. That she helplessly felt out of love during the relationship but never communicated to you her feelings from then on. So maybe she is only telling you that she never loved you from the start in order for you would to leave her alone easily now.

Yea the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in your whole life is to let go of someone you loved and love someone new. But believe me, when that right person appears, it is no difficulty, your feelings of scaredness usually diminish as well. Try to smile lofreq, at least it's a sunny day.

[Ebola_One]

Wow, such a heavy post for 8am.

Originally Posted by lofreq

but i have to accept that i gave everything, and i at least was true in my heart and intentions. if i have failed her, failed to give her the love she deserved.. then it is my fault.

Dude, you said it yourself, you gave it your all. If it's any ones fault, it's hers for not doing something about her waning "love" instead of leading you down a dead end path.

I very much doubt that she was "faking" all the time, I mean 5 years is a long time to hold a fasard (sp?) I would imagine that she said that as it was the only way (in her mind) to... uhh try and disuade you from contacting her, she probably did this because she feels incredibly guilty for what she has done to you.

Chin up man, go buy a cat or dog or something.

[Non Vtec]

All I can say is that Sarah's are bad luck... My mate had the same problem with a his GF (sarah) they had been together for ever.. Then she left him, same sort of thing,
All I can say is keep your chin up,
never blame yourself,
Try smiling,
Talk to your mates,
Remember to eat properly,
And always wear sunscreen....

[chadza]

hey bro

Its pointless to say " i know how you feel" because i dont. But what else could you have done as said "you gave everything, and i at least was true in my heart and intentions". What more can do do for a women.

I myself have been in a relationship going on 5yrs and we have 2 kids. I could not imagine the feeling.

Its hard to say it but, let her go if you love her let her be happy, even if its isnt with you. Look at the future and the years ahead off you, don't dwell and repeat the on past. There is no reason you should be mad or that you have cause this situation, shit happens to everyone, stuff which we have no say or actions to change it back to the way it was. If you and Sarah had got things sorted and made up, its still not going to be the same, everything will be different.

For me, everyday i wake up and think that my kids were born yesterday. It seems yesterday that they were here and im loving every bit off it being a young dad, yes it fucking hard financially (sp?) hard, but its worth every cent.

Its takes alot off gutts to say what you have said for people to read.

Nigel - hold your head high dude.

[ciacia]

Don't blame yourself, she'll eventually realised that she just let go the best thing she ever had.

Originally Posted by lofreq

guess im not moving to states. guess im not leaving my job (yet). guess i dont have to sell the car. guess i dont lose my friends. its hard when i have just convinced myself to do all these things and to do them with a clear conscience.. and now this happens.

Nige, you have got to move on, try not to let something like this affect your future. I know that this may be a big blow for you, but letting go of a good future is even worse than this.

You will find someone even batter than her Nige. Besides, there are more women in the world than men.
:wink:

[dohca]

hold it out man... itl pass youll come back better than ever

i got put through this kinda shit before, i got over it in the end and found someone i really cherish

just find something to take your mind off things

but still dont try and hide your feelings etc etc

[Woody]

All we can do is throw a whole bunch cliches, Nige, and hope a few of them stick. Many of us have been in situations kind of like yours, some remarkably similar. I know the pain seems unbearable now, but it soon lessens. It never fades completely, it is always there reminding you, but eventually it'll be what's keeping you strong and helping you through.

Use what you have learnt in the time you were with Sarah to your benefit. They will futher concrete new relationships and help them grow bigger and brighter.

I wont sit here bagging her, that's not right. None of us have the right to form opinions on a girl we never new. That is up to you.

Be angry, be hurt, let it all out. And if using us as a sounding board is helping, keep doing it. Most of all, use your friends (that sounds bad - but it's not meant to be). If they insist on keeping you busy and goofing about to make you laugh. Let them. You have plenty of time to be on your own at night.

Keep writing too. It's a great purge of emotion.

But most of all, remember it just wasn't meant to be. Something else bigger and better is around the corner.

Someone who is more worthy of your love will one day show her face. You're a young lad Nige, you have plenty of time

Eventually, you'll be fine

[TakeiTeg]

Yea let it out, time will heal.

And friends will mean the most to you now, stick with them and things will heal as time passes.

now if anyone can guess what this song is, it's a pretty good song as well.
"See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry"

MEH! I just found it in my ex's info(we broke up 3-4 weeks ago after 3 yr relationship)

#$!@$%@$!@%$^$@!$!##%$%@! BS info, like I could believe that's how she feel :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:


:cry:


sigh time is healing me as well, don't worry nige at least you're not alone, you'll get over it, it's never worth it to go through such pain for someone who never really deserved sh*t.

[lofreq]

thk u all so very much. i really hope to try my best to move on. i know that, now, i accept that, my future with her, i guess was plain to some that it wouldnt work. and even if we did get back together, like has been said - never the same again. so i understand that

i told some ppl this: i just wish we had broken up on terms easier to understand. like, example, someone cheated. then we can have "hey fuck u asshole i never want to see ur face again u lying sack of shit" then smash my plates and key my car. sweet. or, slowly both grow apart, maybe fight more and more, then finally mutually decide to split, for the better of both. u knw what i mean... either way, it feels like its understandable. but this? long term relationship then suddenly new feelings, then suddenly doubt, then suddenly tell me 'sorry, actually i felt distant from you for ages' and then no chance to fix it, just like cut off, just like that. im left reeling.. i wish i could understand, and not feel like ive failed to love her enough or something.. failed to recognise the warning signs?

anyway i have accepted it is over. and i no longer want to linger and ponder and doubt on it any more - i know i need to move on - so i stay sane.

how do u think is the best way to remove her from one's life. i mean, im sure everyone has this - letters.. gifts.. evn my wallet i admit, full of her 'i love u' notes and everything, that i cherished. i feel like, i cannot have those anymore because they are all almost fake, untrue now. the feelings that were in it are all gone, all different...

i just want to like press the flush button and get rid of it all! and start rebuilding my life again.. and im just struggling now to learn how to do that - try to be 'me', once again, and not 'us'.

thank u all for your words. it helps alot to know, that im not the only one, of course..

[Jake_Sale]

Dont take it to hard well try not to

[Peter]

Sorry to hear that mate.

[goldie]

GET THAT MAN A PIE

Seriousley, i know exactley how you feel at the mo, STUPID women!

[Woody]

Originally Posted by lofreq

how do u think is the best way to remove her from one's life. i mean, im sure everyone has this - letters.. gifts.. evn my wallet i admit, full of her 'i love u' notes and everything, that i cherished. i feel like, i cannot have those anymore because they are all almost fake, untrue now. the feelings that were in it are all gone, all different...

You can only deal with them the best way you can. If it involves a ceremonial burning, then so be it. Or maybe bury them in a special place. They are still part of who you are today though.
But I do believe, best of all, no contact. Each email, call, text whatever, only reminds you of what was. You don't need that constant reminder

Be strong Nige

And I'm sorry, but can we also please stop bagging the opposite sex. Both are guilty of doing the same to each other. We are only human, and sometimes we make mistakes. All of us.

[LowTegra]

well......... i never really knew of her well, but know u pretty well, it is sad, but it is also amazing to see a side of u to express, amazing read, u will not go down, but grow further from it... no doubt

have to catch up later on in week

[^Skitzo^]

Hey Nige, sorry to hear about your loss. I know what its like being in that position as ive been many times before but having it happen after 5 years :cry: that makes me sick, you would expect to have at least a months worth of bad signs before anything major like that happens right?

Im sorry she didnt handle the situation better for your sake and I feel for you man, you deserved more respect than that for your commitment over the past 5 years. Ive always felt that in relationships im always the one trying the hardest to make things work e.g. changing myself to be how they want me to be etc much like what you described of yourself, I think it sux that one person always seems to like the other one more.

Me and my girl have been together now for close to 4 years and everything seems to be going great but sometimes I do wonder if its always going to be this good as we have been together from a very young age (15/17) as you had been with Sarah.

From anyones experience can relationships which start out in the teens last? I hope so...

Anyway get better soon ok, and remember that your honda family is always here for you man 24/7 even randoms like myself .

[Remax]

Nige,
I really feel for you, I do. Breaking up when you don't understand is the hardest thing ever I reckon. Its hard to comprehend when its on her terms - I mean a break up is, as you say easy if its mutual terms, or better for both, but when its out of the blue, and all her reasons, you can't help but feel you've done something. In truth, like you say you've given it your all. You have to accept that. Focusing on the negatives, analysing every conversation or thinking how she didn't have those feelings is counter productive.

My thoughts on the possessions - have a fire & burn them ceremoniously, OR keep them altogether in a box and put it away - I've done both in the past, and getting rid of them while it helps let go at the time, the storing is better (to me anyway). That way you do have something to remember, somethining to look back on way in the future and remember ha